Getting to Change Faster: Name it, Own it, Change it

We live in a fast society, where we want everything now and sooner. And we are living in a changing society, where everything seems to be in some state of uncertainty or disruption. In the midst of that, my clients are always asking how they can make change happen faster.

Good news and bad news

The good news is that there are paths that accelerate change. The bad news is that you have to do the work, actually do the work, to make change happen.

So how do you get there? It helps to understand the shape of change.

Whether we call it development, growth, transformation, or change, we are talking roughly the same three-step process. Identifying the need for change, preparing for change, and implementing change. In my coaching practice, I simplify it to NOC: name it, own it, change it.

Name it: identifying the place or thing where you want something new. Own it: taking ownership and responsibility for the change you want. And finally, change it: making the change happen.

In theory, it’s a straightforward process. In practice, it takes clients a lot of tries to move through those three steps, and it’s always the second step where I see clients struggle the most. And the reason is simple, the second step is where change actually happens. It’s the place where we adapt, open up, take responsibility, ask new questions, and commit to making change possible. 

So what’s happening there?

Dr. Brené Brown talks about this step as the messy middle. In storytelling, it is the second act. And in most classical music, this section is called the development, where a composer pulls apart the main themes and pushes the music through one or more key changes.

To move into that step of making change possible; we have to commit to deep honesty and vulnerability. We have to own the need and the process for change, and we have to take responsibility for the situation in which change is trying to happen, whether we created that situation or not. In short, we have to do the internal work that makes the external work possible. And from the surface, I’m not sure that is always obvious. 

From my experience, I see clients place a premium on the “naming it” stage. I suspect that’s because the process of pulling back layers of perceptions, assumptions, and beliefs can feel like a revelation or even a transformation. They move from a place of fogginess and uncertainty to a place of clarity, and it feels like arrival. Unfortunately, it’s really just the first step of change. (Thankfully, it’s one that often feels motivating because the work to come is the heavy lifting.) Plenty of research points to our limited self-awareness, so it more than makes sense that gaining insight into ourselves or our situations would feel powerful. Indeed, it is!

From here, it gets trickier.

After we can name the thing to change, we need to fully commit to the change. And this is where we get back to our good news / bad news. The sooner we are willing to take full responsibility and own the circumstances of change, the sooner we can get to change.

You always have to pass through the messy middle. There are no shortcuts here.

So how do you pass through that messy middle faster? Ironically, through a process of naming the circumstances of your challenge and your change.

• What choices have I made to get me here?

• What are the outcomes of those choices (both good and bad)?

• Which of those outcomes am I not taking full ownership?

• How do I take full responsibility for those outcomes (both good and bad)?

• What conversations, commitments, or amends do I need to make with others to fully own the current situation and outcomes?

• What is possible once you own the situation and outcome?

• Double-check your work: am I really taking full responsibility? Am I truly clear that I own the outcomes of my choices and am willing to move forward from them?

It may help to notice if you find it easier to own bad outcomes or good outcomes. If it’s easier, are you really owning them, or just paying lip service to ownership?

My experience with clients is that when they really own their situations and outcomes, change becomes a natural consequence. They still have to do the work of implementing change, but all or most of the barriers to change are resolved and change feels almost inevitable.

Own the thing you’ve done. Own where you are. Change won’t be possible until you do.